You Need to Get Laid

(This isn’t finished. I’ll call this Chapter 1 of the story. Hope you enjoy. P.S. this is a rough edit. My mood is too poor to heavily edit. I’d end up scrapping it all.)

“Break Mama off a piece of that ass…”

“Julie! Be quiet, someone is bound to hear you.” Felicia’s face was almost as red as the wool scarf tucked around the collar of her jacket. Julie had that affect on her, hell on everyone within earshot. The woman had no internal filter. Anything and everything to cross her mind came pouring out of her mouth without a second thought.

“Ease up, Fee. Those guys make a living catcalling and flirting. Turnabout is fair play. Don’t you think?” Julie flashed one of her infamous smiles then went back to watching the construction workers across the street from their coffee shop.

Embarrassment poured off Felicia like a cheap perfume. Had she known her friend and business partner was going to be in one of her infamous moods, she would have blown off the trip to the bank and gone right back home. One person could only suffer so much of Julie before wishing they could wring her neck. Or in her case, hide under a boulder until the dust had settled.

Almost every single day Julie caused some sort of trouble that embarrassed the hell out of Felicia. It was like she did it on purpose.

“Please tell me you remembered to put the deposit together? I can’t spend all day sorting through receipts. Again.” Felicia cringed, remembering the last time Julie forgot to do her paperwork. In handwriting that only a doctor could translate, Julie’s daily tallies for the shop may as well be written in Greek. It was a nightmare.

“Of course I did, Fee. Take your meds and calm down.” A navy blue pouch flew across the counter and landed with a leathery plop. “You know what you need?”

“My brain scanned?” Why had she ever agreed to go into business with her best friend? The woman could hardly keep a fish tank clean and functioning, let alone a coffee shop.

“Don’t be a bitch.” Heels clicked across the tile, bringing Julie around the counter and face-to-face with Felicia. “You Need To Get Laid.” Each word was punctuated with a not so subtle thrusting of her hips.

“You are so crass. There is nothing wrong with not getting laid, Julie. Just because you seem to run on sex doesn’t mean the rest of us do.” Face hotter than the surface of the sun, Felicia grabbed the blue bank bag off the counter and prepared to make a hasty exit.

Unfortunately Julie’s long legs gave her a severely unfair advantage and had her across the shop in the blink of an eye. A foamy sea of strawberry blonde hair bounced in the sun coming through the glass door. The bright sunny day also gave Felicia ample light to see the annoyed look marring an otherwise stunning face.

“I don’t have time for this.” Felicia sighed softly.

“The bank can wait until tomorrow. Its not going anywhere, just like your love life.” An unladylike snort accented Julie’s sentence. “I’d understand if you were sneaking over there to make eyes at a cute teller, but you had to find the one bank in the city that doesn’t hire anyone under the age of forty!”

“I think you need another hobby besides worrying about my love life.” She had this discussion memorized.

“I am your friend. Your best friend, if you have forgotten. Its my job to worry about the fact that no living being besides your cat will see your lingerie!” Arms crossed under her breasts, Julie settled in for a nice, long argument. Something had to change. Felicia was getting crankier and more distant every day.

“I don’t own any lingerie, so no worries there.” Great, Julie had the look, the one that said either she do things her way, or prepare to be bitched at for the rest of her days. Well she sure hoped Julie had the stamina because nothing, not even her best friend was going to convince her that getting laid would fix all of her problems.

Men just weren’t that good in bed.

A long-suffering sigh escaped from Julie’s carefully painted lips. She wished that just for once, Felicia would cut loose and do something that hadn’t been planned at least three days in advance. Every time they went out to dinner it had been discussed to death beforehand. What was the fun in that? Something had to be spontaneous in her friend’s life before she went stale with premature aging.

“Humor me, Fee. Let me fix you up with someone.”

“No way. Scratch that, no way in hell. I know what your ideal man is like and it’s kinda scary.”

“I know better than to find you someone that I’d like. Give me a little credit.” Again Julie’s smile lit up the inside of the shop, making it damn near impossible to keep saying no.

“I don’t know…” The sentence never reached its conclusion. Julie took it as close to a yes as she was going to get and squealed excitedly.

Before Felicia could realize her mistake, Julie was outside and crossing the street. “Oh. Crap.” Felicia bolted out the door, trying to catch up to her friend. “Julie! I didn’t mean right now. Get back inside. We need to discuss rules and dates and times. You don’t just run into things like this!”

It was too late. Julie found her way through the chain link fence blocking off the construction from the rest of the neighborhood. Felicia tried to follow, not paying a lick of attention to the traffic around her. An angry honk echoed between the tightly clustered shops and offices, jarring her from her dilemma and possible embarrassment. The honking Honda bearing down on her managed to slam on its brakes and came to a stop less than a foot from her. Panic swelled in her chest, giving the appropriate adrenaline to spit a curse and sprint across the street. Thankfully no other cars tried to leave tire imprints on her new shoes.

Julie was really going to pay for being such a pain in the ass this time.

The usual ambient construction noises surrounding the partially vacant lot had stopped. Felicia cringed as she realized that almost every guy on the crew was watching them. A red-hot rush swept up her cheeks, staining them scarlet. Oh yes, Julie was going to pay for this.

“So what are you doing tonight?” Julie purred at one of the men. He had to be one of the biggest guys to ever grace Gods green earth. The guy’s muscles had muscles and those were still larger than anything she’d seen on a man before. He was already crossed off her potential list before Julie could confirm that he would be spending his evening at the gym. No man that spent that much time on his body would spend time and effort on a relationship. “Vanity, thy name is body builder…” Felicia muttered to herself.

“Fee! Oh you’ve got to meet…” Blonde hair flipped around so Julie could look back at the man in question. “Oh hell, I’ve forgotten your name already.” Her bottom lip poked out in a pout Felicia knew all too well. That pout let Julie get away with stone cold murder. Okay, not really murder, but sometimes her antics made Felicia wish she were dead.

“The name is Duke.” He was all tan skin and smile.

It took Felicia a second to get past the brilliant smile he was wasting on her to realize he was naked from the waist up. The blush she’d managed to chase off was back and brighter than ever before. Felicia’s face hurt from the heat of it.

Distracted by Duke’s unexpected nakedness, Felicia’s only thought was to grab Julie and get the hell away from the construction site. These men were here to work, not play Chippendales marketplace for the likes of them.

Constructions sites are, by nature, cluttered things. Tools, buckets, random piles of dirt end up scattered everywhere while chaos is reigned in and made into something useful. Had Felicia been in her right mind, she would have remembered this and tread carefully. But since she was trying really hard not to stare at the pert little nipples stranded on Duke’s hairless and well-muscled chest, she forgot.

With a loud clatter and a shriek the likes of which only a girl can makes, Felicia tripped over a bucket of screws and went ass-over-head in a brilliant tumble. Her fall was broken by, of course, the steel-toed work boots attached to Julie’s ally in her misery.

“You alright, miss? That was a nasty fall.” A work-worn hand reached down to help her regain her footing.

Felicia waved away the hand and stayed on the ground. Sitting was possibly the best thing she could think to do. Standing meant she’d be closer to Julie. Being closer to Julie meant she could wrap her scarf around her best friend’s neck and tighten it until she couldn’t breathe any more.

“Oh my god, Fee! That was incredible, painful looking, but incredible.” Julie knelt down; careful not to stick her knee in the puddle Felicia had barely managed to miss. “If you wanted to make a good first impression, I think your technique needs some work.” She whispered quietly while wiping a streak of dirt from Felicia’s jacket.

“Remind me to wring your neck after I manage to salvage my dignity.” Felicia hissed.

“Salvage fast. Duke wants to take you to dinner tonight.”

“I am not…”

“Can it. He wants to do it to make up for you tripping all over his worksite.” Julie sighed and picked up Felicia’s scarf. “Go out with him. Call it a business meeting for all I care. Just get out of your house for the night. Please, Fee. I’m worried about you.”

Felicia straightened her back, ready to tell her friend where to shove her concern, but the look in Julie’s eyes stopped her words dead in their tracks. She really was worried. “Fine.” A high-pitched squeal rattled off the surrounding equipment. “But on one condition.”

“Name it. I’ll do anything to see you enjoying life again.” Hope glistened in Julie’s eyes.

“No more trying to fix me up after this. I damn near died today, not that you noticed once you made it to beefcake central.”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Both girls looked up, startled. They had forgotten all about Duke and his crew. “I need to let the beefcakes get back to work. My office is right over here. We can get you all cleaned up in there.”

For the umpteenth time since she’d walked out of her front door, Felicia was blushing. This time it seemed permanent. Duke and his men had heard them talking. How could anyone, even the vivacious Julie bounce back from something as embarrassing as that?

Dusting off more than just her ego, Felicia managed to stand without further embarrassing herself. Mentally she marked up a point on her tally. It was going to take quite some time to regain any of her cool points. They were in the negatives thanks to Julie and her need to meddle in things.

Duke’s office was actually a small trailer on the backside of the property. The outside was so dirty and rusted that both girls almost didn’t go towards it. An alarm was going off in Felicia’s head. Serial killers and rapists stay in places like that. Not well meaning construction workers who asked you out on a date. It didn’t help that Duke was still topless and way too comfortable that way.

The muscles on his back rippled in a memorizing rhythm while he climbed the short staircase leading to the door. Julie and Felicia stopped at the bottom and were totally lost in the view. Julie absently chewed on her bottom lip, letting her pale green eyes take in his entire backside with slow, subtle sweeps. Felicia stared so hard she forgot to breath. A wheeze pulled from her neglected lungs, forcing her to resume normal function.

“Jackpot.” Julie nudged her friend and plastered on one of her infamous smiles before bouncing up the stairs behind Duke.

“Shoot me.” Felicia replied before she could make her feet do the walking thing and followed them into the trailer.

Inside of the trailer, Felicia was pleasantly surprised. The place was spotless. A nice set of matching chairs sat in the middle, a small coffee table between them. There was no desk to be seen. Only a wall of filing cabinets made the space look official in any way.

“My dad always worked behind a desk. I spent most of my life thinking he didn’t have legs because of it. This suits me much better.” Duke waved a hand towards the chairs. “Pop a squat ladies. I’ll get you something to clean up with.”

Julie looked like she was about ready to explode with laughter. Her cheeks were pink and puffed out with the effort to keep quiet. She looked at Felicia and silently repeated, pop a squat. No one had ever been so crass around her. Normally men were on their best behavior in hopes of landing a kiss.

“Breath, Jules. You are going to turn purple.” Felicia whispered as she sat in the closest chair. The soft leather squeaked under her weight. She hated leather furniture. It was always embarrassing.

Julie lost her battle with the fit of giggles tickling her ribcage. A long hoarse laugh flew up out of her mouth unchecked, filling the small space. Felicia’s ears rung with her friend’s amusement. She was so glad to provide comedic relief.

“Jesus Christ, who let the dodo out?” Duke asked when he emerged from the bathroom. “Here you go, miss. These should take off most of the muck.”

Felicia eyeballed the box of baby wipes and shot him a wary glance. “Uh, thanks.” She fished out a damp cloth and set about wiping the mud off her arms and legs to the soundtrack of Julie’s failed attempts to regain control of herself.

“So Julie here says you are some sort of reformed nun. What on earth…” Duke’s question didn’t have a chance to finish. Felicia let out an aggravated growl and threw a wad of soiled baby wipes at Julie, stopping his thought process.

“You damned liar! I told you to stop using that story on your lame attempts to land me a date!” Her movements were tensed with anger. For once in her life, Felicia actually wanted to punch someone. “This is the last straw, Julie. I told you to leave my sex life alone and yet you still interfered. All it got me was a sore ass and mud all over my new coat. Way to go!”

“Oh like I am the only one to blame here. You are still carrying a flame for whatshisname that left you five years ago. Five years, Fee! How many times have you been laid since then? I can count them on one hand. Get over him. Get over yourself. Most importantly, get laid. Your lack of libido is suffocating me.” Julie looked about ready to cry. She’d set out to do what she thought was the right thing, but as usual Felicia was chastising her. It wasn’t fair.

“Don’t bring Bruce into this, damnit. He didn’t leave me; his job transferred him to Florida. I was supposed to go, but we didn’t have the money to ship my stuff.”

“Then why didn’t he keep calling after he moved? Huh? Bruce dumped you. Get it in your damn skull!”

“Oh that’s it!”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Once again Felicia and Julie looked at Duke, realizing that they’d forgotten him. “Don’t mean to pry, but I do have a job to do.”

“I’m so sorry, we’ll get out of your hair.” Felicia stood, grabbing her purse with such force that her fingertips hurt. She was still spoiling to punch Julie’s ticket.

“Don’t leave so fast. We have a matter to discuss.” Duke smiled warmly and nodded to Julie. “She’ll be out in a minuet. Try to not maul one of my men, alright?”

A very rare blush graced Julie’s cheeks as she nodded and left them alone in the trailer. How had Duke done it? Felicia could count on both hands the number of times she’d seen her best friend blush since they’d met in junior high gym class.

“I really am sorry. If you need me to pay damages or anything for ruining your schedule just…”

“Oh stop that. I was talking about the date, Felicia. Or are you going to leave me hanging now? I know you just had a rather amusing and revealing fight with your friend, but I still would like the chance to get to know you better.” He reached out and for a second Felicia thought he was going to sweep a piece of hair behind her ear. It was a small gesture that was always sure to make her weak in the knees.

Instead Duke’s thumb brushed her cheek. The contact startled her so much she jumped back. “What are you doing?”

He held up his hand, showing her the dark smear of mud on his thumb. “You missed a spot. I didn’t think you wanted to walk out there looking like you’d had a bad facial.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.”

“So, will you go out with me tonight?”

“I don’t see where I can refuse now. If I walk out there without saying yes, Julie will strangle me.” Felicia sighed. Julie was right about her needing to move on. She hated that her friend was right. The knowledge sat like boiling oil in her stomach.

“Let me save you from a tragic and early death then.” Oh god, his smile could melt the panties off a snowwoman. “I’ll pick you up tonight at seven. Dress nice and try not to look so scared. I don’t bite unless asked nicely.”

Felicia blinked at him, testing the weight of his joke to see if he was really kidding or admitting that he was a cannibal. Stranger things had happened to her since Julie went on her epic mission to fill the cold spot in her bed.

“Alright. I… it would be a pleasure to go out with you tonight.” She chalked up another point for only stuttering once.

“No, the pleasure is all mine. See you tonight, Felicia.”

“Yeah, tonight…”

In a daze, Felicia made her way out of the trailer. Julie was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Her face was set in hard lines, like she was focusing on something way too hard. Felicia froze and looked around them. All she could see was the construction crew going about their work as usual. None of them were looking their way.

“What’s wrong, Jules?”

“I’m being good. Do you know haw hard it is to behave while standing in the middle of this many edible men? I think I deserve a reward for being this good.” Julie gave Felicia a pleading look.

“It can’t be that hard to behave, but you get a reward anyways. I need a dress for tonight.”

“Ooo! Shopping trip! I’ll call Cathy in to watch the shop.” She fished her phone out of the grossly oversized purse hanging over her shoulder. “I know the perfect place to take you. He’s going to be a puddle at your feet.”

“Just what I wanted, a date I can jump around in…” Felicia muttered before walking out of the construction site. The day was only going to get worse, she knew it.


2 thoughts on “You Need to Get Laid

    1. I don’t know abut that. Not everything I do is on the romantic side. I tend to delve into blood and guts every so often.
      I grew up reading horror novels. They were the only books around that were at my reading level. To say I was advanced at 12 is a gross understatement. So I have a tendency to go back to my roots. lol

      Thank you though. I’m flattered that you see potential in my work.

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