I Don’t Even…

Yes, I know. I missed a few weeks of True Blood reviews. No, I won’t go back and retro-actively review them. I can barely remember my own name right now, let alone episodes of a TV show. Hell, not even an hour after tonight’s episode I’m already having a hard time holding on to talking points. (I blame the email ping-pong match I was dragged into with my fellow ZSC commanders.)

Anyways, let’s get to the damn point:

I don’t even fucking know what the show is about any more. 

The vampires go on an acid trip. The fairies become amateur detectives. The shifters are all the same. And the werewolves are douchebags.

What is the storyline again? I know the show is designed to cover everyone’s POV, but enough is enough. Cut some of the fat and bring the central story back into focus. The show as it is now is confusing. How do they expect to bring new viewers in?

I’m going to pause and address a pet peeve of mine before this really gets going.

Eric Northman is a cold, calculating vampire that will do anything in his power to safeguard those he deems “his” by blood or an emotional connection. That basically boils down to Sookie, Pam, his sister, and Godric. He hasn’t been around Sookie since this whole Authority crap started. He released Pam from her bond to him. His sister is a raving nutjob that worships an invisible being that can only be seen while on the equivalent of vampire LSD. And Godric is dead.

That being said, Eric does have a moral code. He stuck to it again and again before Godric died. So why the fuck do the writers keep brining Godric’s ghost back to keep Eric on the “right” path? I am sure that even without hallucinating his deceased maker, Eric could approach his sister with the line, “What would Godric think if he saw you whoring around on your knees for Lilith?” Or something  a tad more brilliant than that. We don’t need to SEE the motivation in question. We know who Godric is through the dialog between the sibling characters.

For the sake of all that is unholy, let Godric rest in peace already, writers. What’s next, you reanimate the ground-up chunks of Talbot that’ve been rotting in Shreveport’s sewers for two years? Oh gods, I’m giving them ideas.

Don’t get me started on the fairy crap. My mother said it best when she compared the “vision” Sookie experienced while connected to the fairies to the HORRIBLE (and blasphemous) Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

The fairies annoyed me in the books and their story arc was very drawn out. They’re even more annoying now because the few things I enjoyed about them aren’t there in the show. For fuck’s sake, that is not the Claude I expected. He’s too… nice. There’s no arrogance. And he certainly is not romance book cover material.

(Are you keeping a fuck count? Go back to the beginning and make it a drinking game. Call me later from your hospital room…)

Sam and Luna are seriously screwed up. Even more so in this episode, for reasons that I won’t mention to try and stow the spoilers. I did enjoy Sam turning into a cobra to scare the piss out of someone, though. Yes I said that. Me, the woman that pees herself after seeing a photo of a snake.

For half a moment I thought, when we finally got to the test for pack master, Alcide would step up and mop the floor with whatshisname. But oh no… The writer’s gave Alcide enough morals and conscious for the entire pack. He has no real backbone. Well, I mean… he has one. We got a good glimpse of it during one scene *fans self* but that isn’t the same.

I also thought another key character from the books would be coming in soon. A lot, and I mean a lot, of fans are clamoring to see Quinn. I don’t blame them. He kind of grew on me, despite the fact that he’s not my typical…flavor of preternatural creature. However, I’m starting to think, because of Alcide’s lack of spine, we might not get to a point where Quinn can be brought in. And that sucks. It cuts out something different and new for fans of the show.

Lastly, its Pam Time!

I awarded Pam the Mother of the Fucking Year Award during the episode. There are times when I cringe while watching her discipline Tara. But then she turns around and does something to completely counterbalance that harshness. It makes it so hard to figure Pam out. It adds to her allure. It makes her a nice mystery to dig into from episode to episode.

Now why the fuck aren’t they handling more of the main cast like this?

The slivers of hope I had a couple weeks ago for the show picking up pace were fool’s gold caught on the ass cheek of a heroine-wrecked stripper. True Blood has more than jumped the proverbial shark–its riding the damn thing like a pony at the county fair.

Though, I will give a hand to Stephen Moyer. He directed the episode and did a damn good job of making the script he’d been given work.


One thought on “I Don’t Even…

  1. BRAVO! Thank you for saying all of that! Alcide is driving me crazy with his lack of backbone, though holy fucking hell on that scene! *fans self* I don’t normally get worked up by watching a sex scene, but that one had me seriously panting. LOL

    That said, what is this bullshit with werewolves who are either whiny as fuck, have no backbone to back up their morals, or their morals just don’t work for the preternatural creature they are? It’s stupid. This is why I like Adam and Sam from the Mercy Thompson series. Both very strong characters, though Sam did have a weird whiny vibe going on for a bit there. Don’t even get me started on Richard from the Anita Blake series, and he’s my favorite character of the ENTIRE story line.

    I’m not happy with Eric either, BTW. WTF? The writers better fix this.

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