Clown Car Vaginas And True Blood

I hate being right. No, really. It pains me to know I called certain aspects of the True Blood finale.

What did I correctly guess would happen in the finale?

No Warlow. I know a lot of people were looking for something, anything to push that story line forward. It wasn’t even really mentioned, let alone brought closer to resolution. We don’t know who Warlow is, where he is, or what he plans to do next. All we got out of the Sookie-fairy story line was Jason’s fairy-induced hallucinations…which were a pair of speciesist fuck-heads. After the first time they showed up, I wanted to slap their non-existent asses. Was it really necessary to have an “external” force badger Jason into hating vampires that much? He’s got a lot of baggage with them after everything he and Sookie have been through without showing us the Jason equivalent of Eric’s Godric-conscious.

What else….. bloody hell, I’m having a hard time remembering everything tonight.

Let’s face it, no matter what, Bill was going to end up being an asshole at the end of this season. The show took him so far from where he had been–a mild-mannered vampire mainstreaming in his small home town to get away from the big, bad vampire subculture rotting larger cities. In the books, Bill is about as exciting as a high school history teacher with a “Kick Me” sign taped on his back. I understand the show runners wanting to give him something to work with to make the character exciting but…. What. The. Fuck? I can’t explain any more than that right now. Y’all that watched know what I mean, anyway.

*cough* HeLookedLikeAnAnthropomorphicTampon. *cough*

Things that actually managed to surprise R.C. during the True Blood Finale. (You get a list because I have an editing project due tomorrow)

1) Pam and Tara. Rawr!

2) Russell, exit stage left.

3) Learning that fairies have clown cars for vaginae.

4) Sam’s simultaneous shift and vamp kill. That has been the ONLY moment of True Blood this season that I actually blurted out, “Oh. My. Fucking. God.”

5) Aggro Alcide.

All in all, it was the type of quality I have come to expect from previous season of True Blood. However, the episode was still lacking thanks to the ri-fucking-diculous story line the writers cooked up in a drug-induced haze while surrounded by laundry reeking of their own shame. Losing Alan Ball for next season has apparently crippled the creative talents of the writing staff. I’m dreading next season, but will give it two episodes to wow me. TWO. After that, I’m done with True Blood.

 

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