The Revenge of Billith

Also known as: The Writers have Fucking Given Up.

Oh True Blood. I loved your witty, yet violent first season. I forgave you for making Tara angry and black. I applauded you for defying the book and keeping Lafayette alive. Okay, so you went a little off in left field during the maenad fiasco, but there was still something solid about the writing to keep us through.

After that, y’all became monkeys flinging shit at a wall and seeing what sticks. NEW FLASH. It’s monkey shit. All of it sticks.

The season six premiere was utterly predictable. Billith lives to terrorize all the good little vampires we’ve come to love more than the central characters. Yeah, that’s just what we needed, a vampire god to add to the list of what-the-fuck characters scampering around Bon Temps. Faery children. Werewolves. Shapeshifters. Skin walkers. And a partridge in a God damned pear tree. Not only that, there seems to be no limits to Billith’s powers. So the TV show took mild-mannered, librarian-like Bill and gave him the personality of a human on PCP–nothing can harm him, he is in charge of everyone, fuck who all gets in his way. I want book Bill back. He was lame, but at least he was believable. This whole “vampires with a goddess” thing reeks of the same political bullshit they shoveled during Steve Newlin’s first appearances on the show. We got the religious thing out of the way seasons ago. Quit beating a dead horse.

Pam continues to fight against the world, make her own way, because she’s afraid to open up to anyone. which, of course, leaves her progeny Tara floundering at  the edges of the story line, trying to insert herself into something meaningful. Never mind that book Tara winds up married with twins and has a nice, boring life after her encounter with a vampire boy toy gone wrong. Really wrong. I don’t mind diverging from the source . . . if it is to better the character and the story line. Now they have yet another vampire for Sookie to loathe, simply because they have power over her and an insane desire to taste more of her yummy faery blood.

Eric’s sister annoys me. She was sexy when she came on the show, now I just want her to go away and leave more screen time for others.

And Eric . . . I was ready to give up on him. With the direction the show has been going, it was impossible to say I’d continue to watch the show just for Eric. Until tonight. There was a moment, a brief glimpse in his eyes after he escorts Sookie home that sucked me back into the Eric Trap. We’ve all fallen victim to this trap at some point and I’m right back in there, cheering for Team Eric to tap that faery ass one more time. All because of one look. Congratulations, Mr. Skarsgård you are now the main reason I will watch any more of season six. The moment you lose your magic? I’m gone.

We’re no closer to wrapping up any of the dangling story lines left from last season. Sam is left in limbo, with a child in tow. Lafayette was in one fucking scene with no clue where he’s going this season–why toss one of your best actors into the background after giving him an intensely emotional season? We like him! Use him! Warlow has a face. Maybe. I’m not one-hundred percent convinced that really was him. There’s a book character who could be coming in that’d also have all of that information and the same metaphysical abilities. Jason is still bat-shit crazy and toting around the stupid fucking parent-vision crap I bitched about last season.

We won’t even go into Sookie. She’s a mess. As usual. And never, ever drives her own story lines. The writers use Sookie as a prop. It is ridiculous. The girl has a brain in her head. A very special one, at that. For fuck’s sake, in the books she SOLVES NUMEROUS CRIMES. Sookie saves lives! On the show, she’s a blood bag with nice tits that the vampires toss around in power games. Ridiculous.

So . . . that’s that. The season six premiere of True Blood left little to be desired, except for more heart-breaking looks from Eric. We can only wait and see if the show is worth the effort to crawl on the couch with a rum and coke.

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