Bah Humbug!

It’s Valentine’s Day. Again.

Typically I’m not an overly-bitter person when it comes to the day. I’m all for showing your loved ones a little extra attention. It shouldn’t be a once-a-year thing, though. And for someone like me, who has been single for going on four years, it sticks in my craw to see anyone slighted by their loves at any point in the year. More so on Valentine’s. It doesn’t take a friggen rocket scientist to purchase something unique for your heart’s keeper, guys. The date for this holiday never, ever changes. There’s no excuse not to save a little cash after Christmas for a gift. I’m not talking a bouquet of dying flowers and awful, over-processed chocolate. Get something that’ll speak to your dear heart. What quirky fandoms do they follow? Is there a hobby they’ve been flirting with, but haven’t had the money to commit to? Buy them the basics to get started.

I have to say, I’ve never had a pleasant Valentine’s Day. My ex-fiancé’s idea of romance was poorly cooked steak, wrestling video games, and a blow job. And while I’m a girl that respects non-traditional ways to celebrate any holiday, it was never my cup of tea. Red meat is okay, though I can’t eat it due to current health issues. I loathe video games, except for the Lego games. And let’s be perfectly honest, as fun as it is to give a blow job, if it’s going to take the guy half a friggen hour to come–despite the skill of the blow job provider–it isn’t worth the jaw ache. Imagine six years of this stellar, romantic treatment. There’s a reason I chose to be single for four years.

What I’m trying to say is, plan your celebration to please both parties involved. My mother and I made a pact to do this for each other, since we’re both proud members of the “Men Fucking Suck” movement. (Me to a lesser degree, but Mom’s the friggen club president.) That’s why I just hauled flat screen TVs into each of our rooms. 32 inches of ogling cute people in high definition from the comfort of bed. See? It isn’t about giving presents to get laid. Valentine’s Day, and any day you celebrate loved ones, is about doing something to make the other person smile.

Now I have to figure out how to set the TVs up before Mom gets home from work. That’s my part of the gift, since I’m still on the “Poor Starving Artist” portion of the tax bracket.


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