Hollywood, Just Stop it Already

In the course of an hour, I’ve seen news about two remakes that’ve set my teeth on edge. First Poltergeist, now She’s all That.

Why? Why is this necessary? Poltergeist was a pretty solid movie the first time around. I remember being terrified any time we moved into a new house—being a welfare family, it happened a lot—because I was afraid we’d end up in a place built on a graveyard. There’s no flashy effects like the remake has and what’s there is pretty damned effective. I’ll bet you a turkey sandwich, the CG effects are all the remake has going for it. Sorry, Mr. Rockwell, but you can’t salvage every film.

5985d24fb7640031510cf5b5a2ddc70fAnd now the seriously insulting remake, She’s All That. Yes, I was that chick in school—almost too weird for her own good. Well, then it was a problem. Now, I’ve embraced that shit and dance a tango with it every time I stand. But a huge part of finding confidence in myself came from that damn cheesy as hell teen flick. It’s perfect as-is. Yes, the jokes are dated. It wasn’t made for an iPhone generation. Why does everyone feel we have to turn my generation’s memories into something so dumbed-down, even paramecium brained morons understand the subtle nuances involved in personal growth? To make things worse, this is one of my favorite Paul Walker films, even though he plays a douchebag. The director they’ve attached to this remake hasn’t done thrilling things, and even has another unnecessary and shitty remake in his credits. This film is already on shaky ground. One production company is fielding media questions, apparently ready to start pre-production. The other denies signing any contracts to make this thing happen. I’m hoping it’s all a belated April Fool’s joke.

 

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